I am so, so hungry right now. It's a little bit sad, but I'm not sure how well I'm going to be able to answer this question-- which I might point out is a brand new question, submitted within the last few weeks by... huh. He didn't sign his letter. No matter. I will call him "Thunderin' Joey Amos."
Anyway, yeah, I'm hungry. I'm short on cash and haven't been able to buy any food or beer, and I was waiting for one of my ex-girlfriends to come over and make me some dinner, but it turns out one of her more recent ex-boyfriends called up with a crisis more dramatic than being hungry. All I've found in the house was a baggy full of left over marijuana stems, so I boiled them and made some weird tea. It didn't give me much more than a mild ten minute buzz, but it did make my hunger worse. I'm starting to wonder about putting rat traps in the alleys. You know, for the meat.
But I'd better get busy and answer Thunderin' Joey's question. And then? Go to the park and eat acorns, I guess.
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First, it's awesome to see you back.
I'm one of two lead guitarists in a 5-piece metal band. The other guitarist, the drummer, and myself write basically everything, and what we're writing is awesome - at least, we love it. Our biggest problem has quickly became our vocalist and our bass player, because they don't show up for practice and now they're both out of the loop on this stuff we've got done. To make matters worse is their work ethic- to say the least, neither of them have one anymore.
The vocalist sucks. He can write wonderful lyrics, but his voice is god-awful...but he's got an ego to the point of thinking he's god's gift to metal, and any attempt to get him to take lessons has failed. Even when people tell him he's bad, it just rolls off him.
The bassist used to be the other guitarist until I came along. Since he took up bass, he doesn't try to learn anything. He just plucks open notes instead of learning the material; whenever told to practice or if I've written a good bass part for him (because it's came down to me writing parts because he won't) he doesn't try to learn them, because "he plays bass".
The answer is obvious to me- fire them. They don't pull their weight. My big question is HOW. The vocalist got me in the band in the first place, and both he and the bassist formed the band; the other hurdle is getting the other guys who do pull their weight on board with such an action. They're all friends, and they don't want to hurt feelings, which I don't want to either, but something's gotta give. They aren't trying anymore. We have gigs lined up, and we won't be able to play any of this new material because these two don't know any of it.
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I like this guy. No wasting time with hellos and goodbyes. Thunderin' Joey Amos is all business.
Okay, TJA, you're in a sitch that's very familiar to many a workin' guitar man: you're in a good band that has a few bad players. And the obvious answer is the one you're already come up with: fire them. As for how, bend your ear and listen to wise old Hammersmith lay it down, not old school, not new school, but (toke, toke) hi-i-i-i-i-i-gh school.
(Just joking. As I've already pointed out, my weed is long gone.)
You've got a couple ways to handle this. The first solution is the old "quit and reform" trick. If the vocalist and the bass player are the guys that formed the band, but now they're the ones who suck too much to be in it, all you have to do is have the other three guys say "Your commitment is no longer there, and we've decided to jump ship. We're QUITTING THE BAND."
Then you walk across the street, form a new band, and start trying out really dedicated bass players (not disgruntled guitarists who have been kicked off guitar in the band they started and are super-bitter about it). Also start looking for vocalists who... you know... don't fucking suck.
If this is not the way you want to go, or if you can't get the other guys on board with the plan (or if the band already has some name recognition that you don't want to lose by starting again under a new name), then there are still other ways to go.
If the most glaring problem the band has at the moment is attendance at practice, then there is a real shitty solution. It rarely works, and the people that try to enforce it usually end up looking like assholes, but it's worth mentioning. Go down to your local dollar mart and get a notebook and use it too keep track of attendance at practice. If everyone agrees on a time and someone bails, then mark it down. Say something like three absences and you're out.
Of course there will be an excuse for every absence (Dude, my sister was having a crisis! She had no food or beer, and I had to bring her my old weed stems!) but you've got to hold the line and explain that if someone is not able to attend on a regular basis, then they are simply too busy to be in the band.
Like I said, this is a dickish way to operate, but the important thing is that you communicate to the guys who are often absent that they are holding up the band's progress because they never show. And they either need to step up or they need to recognize that they don't really give a shit anymore.
That's right, boys: STEP UP or STEP ASIDE.
But let's back off and analyse these guys as human beings for a second, and maybe we can think of ways to "fix" them. First, your vocalist. You acknowledge he's a good lyricist, but he's a shitty singer. If he won't take lessons, you could suggest he tries an effects box for a few songs. Rent some piece of shit for a few practices and get him to sing with some vocal distortion and reverb for a while. It's a patchwork defence, but it might be a temporary Band-Aid that helps him in the long run. He might use it to make himself sound better, cover over his weaknesses, or generally hide behind it. If it makes him sound a little better at gigs, then hey! Partial solution.
If he's some kind of purest snob who doesn't think real metal vocalists use effects, then offer to bring in another singer to take over some of the duties where he's weak. If he refuses this, that and the other thing, and you find yourself just stuck with a shitty singer, then... well, not even my awesome powers can help you. Either FIRE HIM or acknowledge that he will limit your band's potential, and live with it.
As for bad bassy, I can see why he's acting so shitty. He started the band with bad singy as the guitarist, but he got kicked down the totem pole by a better player. He views bass as beneath him and unworthy of his time. He's bitter for being usurped. He feels marginalized. He feels... um... besmirched. Sorry, my vocabulary starts to go when I haven't been eating properly.
What I think you guys need to do is have an H.R. night. Yeah, I mean human resources. As in that woman in the nice suit who meets you in an office (sometimes with a witness present) to ask you what you want out of your career with the company.
Go to a pub and order a few pitchers of draft. This is important. You all want to be on the same team. You all want to be drinking from the same jug of beer. It shows camaraderie. Next, go around the table and ask each member what they want to get out of the experience of being in the band. Rock stardom? Good times rockin' the songs? The gigs? Or chicks, man, chicks. Whatever.
Ask each member if they are getting what they want right now, or if they think they are effectively working toward getting what they want. Ask if they think it's possible to get what they want in their current role. What would have to change for them to be satisfied with their role? Because seriously Thunderin' Joey Amos, your bass player is not satisfied in his current role. It's obvious he hates what he's been asked to do.
Look for compromises. If he's unwilling to give bass his full effort and attention, see if there's another role he could perform. Maybe you guys could trade off bass and guitar for some songs, like the ones he wrote on guitar IF he's willing to give 100% when he's on bass.
If the only thing you guys are willing to let him do is play bass, you'd better let him know. "Dude, it's this or nothing. If you don't want to play bass, then you might want to think about looking for another band. Because you're holding us back."
He's be pissed. Absolutely he will. He was one of the band's FOUNDERS. But bands that succeed make these hard decisions. If he's not up to the rest of the group's level, it might be necessary to move him out.
Just make sure he gets song-writing credits where he deserves them when your album goes platinum.
Do albums still go platinum? One Billion Downloads. Whatever. The Van is out of touch with modern society.
But I know how band dynamics work.
That's all I've got for you, baby. I'm going to go hit the food bank. Don't worry about me though, I've got a gig this weekend, and I should pick up a few hundred for it. It's with a cover band, opening for a classic rock band. I won't name names though. Why not? Because I owe people money and I don't want to be found.
But if YOU need to find me, just email your questions to vanhammersmith (at) hotmail.com. I don't answer emails, but I do reply to tweets (@vanhammersmith) and you can find me on Facebook. Two people have liked me so far! Hooray, I'm internet famous!
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